I started out with facebook when it first opened up to the public. I started using twitter pretty much once it was available.
While I was excited about these new opportunities to connect, share, and communicate, I found there were many who saw both as a huge waste of time.
I would hear things like “Why would I want to know what others had for breakfast?” or “Twitter is just a bunch of people telling me about their mundane life!” And in some cases I definitely agreed. As time went on I tried to monitor what I was putting up. I found something very interesting.
When I would post about me, what I was doing, eating, watching, or thinking, my words would go with little or no response. However, when I would ask open ended questions like “What’s your favorite ice cream?”, “Fruitcake..love it or hate it?” or “What bible verse do you need to hear right now?” my comments and interactions were significantly higher.
In chapter 12 “Ask, Don’t Tell” Kem starts out by saying effective communication means listening to others.
“Knowing how to carry on a dialogue is more important than forcefully proclaiming what you know… The most effective team-builders make time to hear from others about their unique audience needs, department hurdles, system problems and team pain points.”
People want to be listened to, not talked to. They want to know that their ideas and thoughts are valued. They want you to treat them as if they were smart. As Kem says in the book “They like it when you get them thinking, but not when you tell them what to think.”
Right now we are in the midst of emphasizing communications at our church. We are changing from every department, ministry and staff person doing their own thing, to the newly created communications department creating those publications.
This chapter was great for me to read as we begin this change. We have had some successes, and some areas of conflict. Usually the success has come when I have “asked”, and the conflict when I have done the “telling” how it needs to be.
For Discussion:
1. Do you create a dialogue, or proclaim what you know?
2. What ways to you use to get people thinking?
3. In light of this chapter, what advice could you give to someone starting in communications?
11) Rewrite Your Job Description <– Less Clutter, Less Noise –> 13) Find the YES behind the NO
19 Comments
"People want to be listened to, not talked to. They want to know that their ideas and thoughts are valued."
That's a great insight into human beings.
There's a conflict born into that reality because we are "people", too. I think that's why this is such an issue. We, being "people", want to be listened to and think that our thoughts and ideas are valued. So, when we communicate, we tend to tell people what we think, instead of asking what they think.
Making good connections requires that we put aside (to some extent) our desire to be heard in order to listen to others.
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>>What are the ways that the offline and online can be merged.
How about having your media guy post the "main points" of the sermon that day to the church Facebook page to encourage others to add their comments… this could foster greater dialogue in the church and also let visitors see their is some good stuff being talked about at your church.
Of course all this assumes that he preaching is relevant and open to criticism as well… 🙂
Patrick Steil
Great suggestion, Patrick!