Is Unfriending Unchristian?

[This is a guest blog article originally written by Lisa DeSherlia. It has been updated by the OurChurch.com for relevance.]

Friend.

The word used to refer to be reserved only for select people in our lives. The word referred to people whom we trusted and shared our lives with, had many things in common with, including our values, did things for and with.

Today, this narrow definition of friends and friendship have shifted with social networks. Now, a “friend” is anyone we connect with online (though some social networks use different terms like follower, contact or connection.)

We don’t have to live in the same state, in the same country or even on the same continent. We don’t have to know or even know about these users whom we call friends.

We’ve come a long way, but to what?

What is the result of this paradigm shift?

Today, relationships have become commodities and disposable ones at that. The “Unfriend” and “Block” buttons have made it easy to cater to our tendency to dump relationships when sin complicates them or communication goes awry because of our misunderstandings.

All it takes is a few clicks, rather than hours of sharing and building up trust through conversation and doing things together.

Purging Friends

In my own Facebook experience, I have seen people post things like, “I’m going to purge my friends list and get rid of people who don’t fit my criteria of what to do to stay on my list.” The criteria might be having shared interests or values, being active on that social network, or how much the person interacts with them.

What does this mean?

Why do we “friend” people, in the first place, who may not share our passion for God our for our cause, who may not care if we live or die, and whom we don’t even know?

I think sometimes we fall for the mindset that more is better. (At least that’s what it was for me originally.)

While we “add” people, hoping that they will come to support our cause or come to know God, we need to bear in mind that, as offline, quality beats quantity. Whom we keep company with online will affect our attitudes and characters as surely as it does offline.

My “Unfriending” Experiences

I have used Facebook for many years. I have seen what I estimate to be well over a thousand “friends” come and go out of my network.

Many who had unfriended me were past or current fellow parishioners who apparently had little tolerance for my causes or my missing person posters. Some have deleted me because they took offense at my political or Christian posts. Many have dropped me because of misunderstandings and conflicts that led them to believe that I wasn’t a “friend.”

My latest experience of being unfriended was most hurtful because both parties dropped me for purely personal reasons. One called herself a sister in Christ; I had shared with this person sensitive things which I have never shared with any of my pastors or doctors. Yes, I lived in Missouri and this person lived hundreds of miles away, but I was convinced that I finally had found a real friend, and she seemed to feel the same way about me. We had shared a deep trust and friendship that I thought this person valued as much as I did.

Yet a series of misunderstandings had put an end to it and the person, sadly, has chosen being right over unity, forgiveness and reconciliation.

To unfriend or not to unfriend, that is the question…

Yes, I know that there are times when it is wise to remove toxic people from our social networks just as it is wise to do some from our “in person” lives. This would include any user who is suspected or known to be predators or criminals. This could also include people who frequently post insulting, critical, or vulgar content.

We should hit the “Unfriend” or “Block” button in situations like these.

What about people who are merely annoying? Or those we disagree with on some theological or political issues?

When we “unfriend” people out of our networks, we end any opportunities to share God’s love and truth, and any opportunity to help and support them in the future.

When we “unfriend” a brother or sister in Christ, we’re violating the principles of unity, forbearance and forgiveness. I have found getting “unfriended” by fellow Christians to be far more hurtful than unfriending by unbelievers.

We ought to apply the same Biblical principles to our social networking relationships as we do to our in-person social relationships.

Behind every screen a real person who Christ called us to love as we ourselves.

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Comment and discuss…

• What are your thoughts on unfriending? Do you think we should treat Christians differently than others?

Continue reading… What is a Virtual Street Team? And 5 Benefits to Organizing One