As Halloween approaches I’ve noticed a proliferation of churches doing “harvest festivals” and “trunk or treats.” Lutherans are even getting into the act with “Reformation Parties.” (Up for a game of pin the 95 Theses on the church door? Yeah, baby!) These are all supposedly well-intentioned attempts to give people a godly alternative to the pagan holiday of Halloween, though some would argue it’s just a way to celebrate Halloween without calling it Halloween.
Of course you’re probably aware that Christmas is not Jesus’ actual birthday either. It was originally a pagan festival to celebrate the winter solstice. Since the church couldn’t get pagans who converted to Christianity to give up the celebration, they co-opted it and made it a Christian holiday.
With all the success Christians have had at taking over those two holidays for the Lord (yes, that’s sarcasm), I started dreaming… what other pagan holidays could Christian co-opt and came up with…
The Top 5 Pagan Holidays Ripe for a Christian Takeover
1) Valentines Day
The pagan holiday of Valentines Day makes an idol out of romance and human love. As Christians we need to show the world that only God’s love is worthy of celebration. That’s why we need to replace Valentines day with God is Love Day. We can keep the red theme and the heart-shaped balloons (just put Jesus face on them). Even the Sweethearts Conversation candies are good because if you think about it they could apply to God too – Be Mine (Lord). And as long as we’re going for things that could refer to God or human love, God is Love Day parties would be a great opportunity to bust out some Christian ballads – you know the ones that are about the singer’s love for God but they’ve been made to sound like they’re about a woman so they can have crossover success on secular radio stations. (e.g. Honestly by Stryper)
2) President’s Day
Scripture tells us we’re not supposed to bow down to any earthly rulers. Everyone knows that from the story about those 3 guys that got thrown in the fiery furnace, right? So, President’s Day is definitely out. What could replace it? How about King of Kings Day? Maybe we could even sculpt a huge monument like Mount Rushmore, but put the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit on it. There’s real tourism/gift shop potential there.
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3) The Great Smoke Out
To the theological novice The Great Smoke Out may seem like a good holiday, after all, smoking destroys the temple of the Holy Spirit (to the heathens out there I’m referring to your body). But all this focus health and living a long life is just another idol. Our earthly bodies are irrelevant. Let’s put the focus on something more spiritual by ignoring The Great Smoke Out and celebrating Burning Bush Day instead. Instead of lighting up a cigarette, we can light up our yard waste and recount the stories of Moses and the Israelites around the fire. (This has the added benefit of acting like a prescribed burn so it would help prevent large forest fires). Hard core churches could re-enact the crossing of the Red Sea and even the 10 plagues.
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4) Fathers Day
This is an easy target because nobody really likes to celebrate this Hallmark-created holiday anyway. Dads be honest, do you really want to unwrap another necktie? Wouldn’t you rather put your feet up and watch the final round of the U.S. Open in your man cave? The fact that Father’s Day is always on a Sunday makes it an easy target too, because people are already at church. We just need to start referring to it as “Our Fathers Day” to put the focus on God. The theme of course would be the Lord’s Prayer (to the heathens reading this, that’s because the Lord’s Prayer starts with “Our Father, who art in heaven…”). This has great revenue potential, because Lord’s Prayer merchandise is some of the most popular in the Christian market. This is a great opportunity to take money out of the hands of the greedy corporate greeting card companies, and put it into the hands of the Christian bookstore shareholders.
5) Arbor Day
A day celebrating trees clearly puts us on a slippery slope towards Gaia, the pagan worship of “Mother Earth.” So, let’s establish Cross Day on the same day. After all, scripture refers to Jesus being hung on a tree. Churches that want to stay “culturally relevant” can still plant trees with the understanding that when they grow up they will get cut down to make crosses. Hard core churches can just plant crosses in people’s front yards, though they might want to avoid celebrating Burning Bush Day on the same day.
Once these Christian holidays start to gain in popularity, we will be on our way to taking back our holidays and our country for God!
Which one do you want to start with? What other holidays could we take over?
47 Comments
I just wanted to pass along this. Memory Cross estimates that between 100,000 and 300,000 people received the plan of salvation “What could be better than free candy” this Halloween. The copy goes onto say that God gave us the greatest gift this Halloween. The offer of eternal life. It then sent them to http://www.NeedHim.org for more information. Pray that the Word takes root in people’s lives. Our number of 100m to 300m depended on how many family members besides the trick or treater read the card.
I found your comments deeply disgusting.
I think most of the people are so envolved with the world and its habits (even bring them today to inside our churches) that do not realize that we must show extreme respect when talking about the Lord (Galatians 6:7 “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows”.
The picture used in the article is grotesque, an abomination.
I agree with Mr. William Marco comments!
I loved this article. Very funny and well done.
We do not tell God how we are going to evangelize! God tells us how we are to live and that is following the example of Jesus. Jesus Christ was Holy in all manner of life and never participated in any thing that was evil. He did not go into a person’s home where they were having a satanic ritual. Jesus said that He came to fulfill all righteous of the law and never ate anything that was not kosher. When Jesus went into a gentiles home He still ate according to God’s Holy Word and He did not participate in anything that was evil. The pagan’s had evil holidays back then but Jesus never participated in them. It is not alright to pass out candy and a tract or have a copy celebration like a harvest festival at your church and call it evangelism. This is absolutely against God. We are to live by all of the scriptures and abstain from all appearance of evil. This satanic holiday is what is being celebrated and anyone who calls it a Holy Day does not love God. Halloween has nothing to do with Jesus Christ and the church should repent of their sins. May God reward you according to your works.
There are some people who do not share your conviction. Does this make them less of a Christian or not even a Christian at all?
Bill: Do you celebrate Christmas?
Bill, Bill…and others who have felt compelled to write in the same vein…
Did you not get it?
The author of this piece agrees with you. He is disturbed that Christians are having a
“Fall Festival” and calling it Halloween. By humorously suggesting other pagan festivals that we could “Christianize’ he is making that very point. Why stop at Halloween?
Its funny, I laughed, and it makes people who are trying to offer a “Christian halloween” look foolish.
I agreed with him. My point was that we should not be trying to join the world, we should be celebrating the real holiday, All Saint’s Day, which is celebrated in Europe, but rarely mentioned here.
I believe that we need to get back to the basics. What did Jesus do? He celebrated the Holy days that HE appointed.
“And the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, “Speak to the children of Israel, and say to them: ‘The feasts of the LORD, which you shall proclaim to be holy convocations, these are My feasts.” (Lev 23:1-2)
HE did not celebrate all saints day, Easter, Christmas, or any of the other holidays that we as American “Christians” celebrate. He celebrated the seven Biblical feast days and the Sabbath. He even went to the Temple for the Feast of Dedication (Hanukkah) John 10:22-33
The Holy days are beautiful and are worth every effort on our part to learn more about them. They draw us closer to who HE is and what HE has done for us.
Have a blessed Day!
Mike, Yes I do celebrate Christmas just not the commercial side of it. I go to Church to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. i am sure that many people also so do that.For me i am trying to put Christ back into Christmas. Iam a single person, so i devote my life to the Lord. I have been given 2 gifts, 1 being the gift of life.2 being Salvation.
It is not how much you spend on presents for one another. The Lord gives me nothing that i want but gives me all that need. My prayers have been answered.
Dec 25th is a pagan holiday you cant put Christ back into somethimg he was never apart of!
We all know that Christ was not born on December 25, but as a friend once told me, He WAS born, so if we choose a day to celebrate His birth, that's okay with me. I'm very knowledgeable about the pagan origins of Christmas, and what Constantine did to try to unite the people under God. But the Word says in Romans 14:5
"One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind." There is no condemnation for celebrating on December 25th if you are not condemned within. In Christ there is no condemnation. We have freedom in the Holy Spirit, because "where the Spirit is, there is freedom."
William,
I think the point Mike was trying to make was that we took over a Pagan festival and called it Christmas because we don’t actually know exactly when Jesus was born. however, we had a purpose in doing so. There is no purpose in us taking over Halloween. We have nothing on that date we want to celebrate…except, as I have said, the next day All Saint’s Day, which is the real Holiday, or Holy Day, and we don’t need to take it over-its already ours and celebrates the wonderful news that for us Death is not the end! We are all Saints and we celebrate the Saints who have preceeded us!
Dear Paul:
I “got” what you were trying to do with blog. I took as tongue-in-cheek” but also as food for thought.
I have to admit, however, that I also appreciate what I think are valid points about “Christianizing” Halloween. After all a rose is still a rose.
At the end of the day, we are called to “spread the gospel.” To that end, I do feel it is important to meet people where they are. A good book to read is “Pagan Christianity.” Sheds light on a lot of things.