As Halloween approaches I’ve noticed a proliferation of churches doing “harvest festivals” and “trunk or treats.” Lutherans are even getting into the act with “Reformation Parties.” (Up for a game of pin the 95 Theses on the church door? Yeah, baby!) These are all supposedly well-intentioned attempts to give people a godly alternative to the pagan holiday of Halloween, though some would argue it’s just a way to celebrate Halloween without calling it Halloween.
Of course you’re probably aware that Christmas is not Jesus’ actual birthday either. It was originally a pagan festival to celebrate the winter solstice. Since the church couldn’t get pagans who converted to Christianity to give up the celebration, they co-opted it and made it a Christian holiday.
With all the success Christians have had at taking over those two holidays for the Lord (yes, that’s sarcasm), I started dreaming… what other pagan holidays could Christian co-opt and came up with…
The Top 5 Pagan Holidays Ripe for a Christian Takeover
1) Valentines Day
The pagan holiday of Valentines Day makes an idol out of romance and human love. As Christians we need to show the world that only God’s love is worthy of celebration. That’s why we need to replace Valentines day with God is Love Day. We can keep the red theme and the heart-shaped balloons (just put Jesus face on them). Even the Sweethearts Conversation candies are good because if you think about it they could apply to God too – Be Mine (Lord). And as long as we’re going for things that could refer to God or human love, God is Love Day parties would be a great opportunity to bust out some Christian ballads – you know the ones that are about the singer’s love for God but they’ve been made to sound like they’re about a woman so they can have crossover success on secular radio stations. (e.g. Honestly by Stryper)
2) President’s Day
Scripture tells us we’re not supposed to bow down to any earthly rulers. Everyone knows that from the story about those 3 guys that got thrown in the fiery furnace, right? So, President’s Day is definitely out. What could replace it? How about King of Kings Day? Maybe we could even sculpt a huge monument like Mount Rushmore, but put the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit on it. There’s real tourism/gift shop potential there.
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3) The Great Smoke Out
To the theological novice The Great Smoke Out may seem like a good holiday, after all, smoking destroys the temple of the Holy Spirit (to the heathens out there I’m referring to your body). But all this focus health and living a long life is just another idol. Our earthly bodies are irrelevant. Let’s put the focus on something more spiritual by ignoring The Great Smoke Out and celebrating Burning Bush Day instead. Instead of lighting up a cigarette, we can light up our yard waste and recount the stories of Moses and the Israelites around the fire. (This has the added benefit of acting like a prescribed burn so it would help prevent large forest fires). Hard core churches could re-enact the crossing of the Red Sea and even the 10 plagues.
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4) Fathers Day
This is an easy target because nobody really likes to celebrate this Hallmark-created holiday anyway. Dads be honest, do you really want to unwrap another necktie? Wouldn’t you rather put your feet up and watch the final round of the U.S. Open in your man cave? The fact that Father’s Day is always on a Sunday makes it an easy target too, because people are already at church. We just need to start referring to it as “Our Fathers Day” to put the focus on God. The theme of course would be the Lord’s Prayer (to the heathens reading this, that’s because the Lord’s Prayer starts with “Our Father, who art in heaven…”). This has great revenue potential, because Lord’s Prayer merchandise is some of the most popular in the Christian market. This is a great opportunity to take money out of the hands of the greedy corporate greeting card companies, and put it into the hands of the Christian bookstore shareholders.
5) Arbor Day
A day celebrating trees clearly puts us on a slippery slope towards Gaia, the pagan worship of “Mother Earth.” So, let’s establish Cross Day on the same day. After all, scripture refers to Jesus being hung on a tree. Churches that want to stay “culturally relevant” can still plant trees with the understanding that when they grow up they will get cut down to make crosses. Hard core churches can just plant crosses in people’s front yards, though they might want to avoid celebrating Burning Bush Day on the same day.
Once these Christian holidays start to gain in popularity, we will be on our way to taking back our holidays and our country for God!
Which one do you want to start with? What other holidays could we take over?
47 Comments
I think we all have our sights on what the world is doing, and so we either 1) find a way to Christianize it or 2) spend a lot of time with our noses in the air thinking about how “holy” we all are to NOT celebrate these pagan holidays. Maybe it’s time we just spend EVERY day as a celebration of Christ and quit worrying about what the world does.
Susannah: very good points. Thanks for your comments. Jesus commands us to reach out in love to people around us. As far as the trunk or treat parties I think those are good opportunities for us to reach out. A couple hundred years ago Puritans refused to celebrate Christmas because it was a Pagan holiday, but eventually it became accepted (well accept now it might be a commercial holiday) but it is still a good time to invite friends and family to church.
I agree with some of the points you made Paul. It is true that these holidays should all be based on the Lord and not on wordly believes, but I also agree with what Susannah says. Why even give credit to these holidays. Instead, we should worry about celebrating each day based on the fact that our Lord is risen. No other celebration could have more joy in it than this one. However, your ideas in transforming the world’s holidays into something else are in fact a great opportunity to show the world the love of God. It’s our job after all, the rest, God will do.
Thanks for the article, very good indeed.
God bless you
The Bible says in Hosea 4:6 My people perish for lack of knowledge – how will anyone learn if they are not taught and each one of us become accountable for the knowledge we learn. God gives us free will to choose – choose this day whom you will serve, choose life or death. Each christian should be about nothing but the Great Commision – Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind – that is written in Matthew 22:37 – So if we love him with all our heart,soul and mind then its not a problem sustaining from pagan holiday celebrations etc. to be sold out for Christ and not walk the fence any more. Jeremiah 10:2 – The lord said learn not the ways of the heathen –
I encourage everyone to check this out, a teaching on the American Occultic Holidays:
http://www.viddler.com and type in the search box American Occultic Holidays, this teaching is by a now born again Holy Spirit filled man whom God delivered out of the Illumanti Occult, Doc Marquis. Let the Holy Spirit prick your hearts as you gain knowledge.
God Bless each and everyone here
i found this site by accident and once i post a comment i never come back to site so will never see reply to my reply lol and once saved always saved if could lose salvation god dying on cross was pointless but it waaasn't cause once saved always saved but yes you can get farther from hand of god if go back to old ways but he will deal with you and draw you back as we are being worked nad molded more and more and if not right in his eyes he breaks it down and starts over until we are what he wants us t obe in his sight
Although I agree with some of what you are saying, i also think you seem to be CREATING idols. Dedicating a day to celebrate love (Valentines day) is certainly not making an idol out of fleshy worldly love. love means something different to everyone, and love to a Christian is AGAPE love. real God kind of love. The word says the husband is to love his wife as Christ loves His church. so whats wrong with us celebrating that commandment in a big way? And fathers day, is a wonderful time in our household. I strongly believe in honoring the men in my life and my father, grandfather and husband all very much enjoy a day of appreciation and honor. its not making them idols, its showing honour where honour is due, which is scriptural. and although we should honour someone every day, i see no problem with setting aside a special day. the Lord has a special day. the Sabbath. Does that make the sabbath an idol? no. but hey thats just my opinion. i guess we cant all agree on everything
I hope you all realize this post was satire. I don’t advocate trying to eliminate existing holidays or trying to Christianize more holidays.
I wrote it to get people thinking about whether we as Christians are really honoring God with our alternative celebrations or are we putting on “world-lite” events. Are we taking the things of this world and sanding off the “dangerous” edges, so don’t miss out on what the world is doing but we do those things in the “safety” of the church grounds?
As much as I appreciate using other ways to celebrate, things like a harvest celebration. we must be wise to not copy the world. That being said, we must reach people where they are . Jesus did. Relax a bit, realize God is in control and just love the lost, and give them the Gospel!! Dr Joe Milligan- Upper Room Ministries, Gathering of Friends Fellowship
Thanks Paul for the challenge to be the light and THE SALT. Many christian want to be the light, because Jesus is the light. However, many christian’s have a hard time being SALT. The Bible says that IF we have lost our savor, what good are we but to be thrown down and walked upon. Today we are being walked upon because we follow the world instead of following the CREATER and allowing Him to give us new and creative ways to reach the world. Remember the deciever duplicates CHRIST!
Interesting posts. I have but one question. Our mission on earth is to turn sinners from evil and make them Christians (followers of Christ). This being said, if we can make Christians out of sinners, why couldn’t we make Christian holidays out of the sinner’s holidays? God said that faith can move mountains and, that being said, faith can also make thge pagan holidays holy.
I am amazed that so many people took this seriously, or were even offended by it.
Did you not realise that it was satirical? Humor is an excellent way to get people thinking. Jesus definitely had a sense of humor, and used analogies, humor and hyperbole in his preaching. Hallowe’en was a mainly forgotten pagan festival based on a misinterpretation of All Hallow’s day, or All Saint’s day, which is November 1st. In its present form Halloween was invented by the American Candy Manufacturers Association in the 1930s to stimulate an extra selling day opposite Valentine’s day and Easter.
The supposed association with witches is the least of our worries. Would we celebrate a day when we give children cigarettes? Yet unhealthy eating is about to overtake smoking as the leading cause of death in this country. Doctors estimate that over the next five years 1 in 3 children will develop ADULT Diabetes, a condition unheard of ten years ago! In addition the concept of threatening people unless they give you candy (and in some communities the police have to be out in force to prevent that from happening) is not a behavior we should be teaching. People will say,”Oh, we’re only joking, Its just a bit of fun ” but thats the excuse used by racists, sexists and bullies.
The answer is simple. the church should be celebrating All Hallow’s Day, sometimes called All Saint’s day. Thats the actual holiday! Most children (even Christians) don’t know the word Hallowe’en means All Hallow’s Eve. Teach that. And when people ask me about Halloween, I say “I don’t celebrate Halloween”, and if they insist they have the right to say we can’t celebrate Christian holidays in schools or in our town, then I have the right not to celebrate Halloween. Realise also its an American invented secular holiday which is an oxymoron. Holiday means Holy day. I grew up in England. We don’t celebrate Halloween. Nor do most other countries. Its as American as sugary candy, Hollywood, violence,religion for the non-religious, and exploiting children, all of which are synonymous with “Halloween”.