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After The Trauma: Finding Peace, Ending Torment
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"Give Thanks"
Douglas Sands Christian Midi Collection
I have spoken with a number of people who have undergone trauma (such as rape, incest, or other violation) and voiced the same type of questions towards the God of the Bible. Sometimes such a deep bitterness has set in because while they know God did not cause the trauma, He "allowed" it. Some had called out to God and wondered just why He did not deliver them from the attack. Where was He? Are there any answers to the questions that hurting hearts have after deep trauma?
My purpose in writing this is to share the light that God has given me through experiences in my own life and in my own search for truth and understanding.
First of all, one must stay in the context of the Word of God, for there is nothing else by which we can judge anything in life. Our feelings and experiences cannot be the final say-so. God's Word is forever and it changes not. It is proven, reliable, and is the covenent between us and God. God stands on His Word. It is a legal contract. He and His Word are inseparable.
If you have been violated, abused, or traumatized in some way, you will undoubtedly feel some strong anger. Even when anger is not expressed but repressed deep inside (and becomes depression), it is still an underlying rage that must be addressed. One would think that anger in the case of such a crime is justified. "Look what happened to me: I did not deserve that! How could God be good and allow ME to go through such a horrible thing?" Anger towards God is not righteous anger, however. Righteous anger (holy and pure anger that God allows) is being angry together with God. Is God angry about what happened to you? You BET He is! He is angry towards all who hurt others. Yet His love is so merciful that He is long suffering towards those who do us wrong, not willing that ANY perish but all come to repentance. Have YOU ever been a person who has hurt someone in some way or another? Have you ever caused anyone pain? I believe that you will have to admit that you too have done something hurtful to someone. If so, then you are just as guilty as the one who brought injury to you. Right here is the misconception that you have no doubt been carrying. You feel that you were not as bad as the person who hurt you. Why you would NEVER do such a thing to another human being! Our earthly laws make a distinction between various degrees of crimes as if one were worse than another. However, the Bible makes it clear that "all we like sheep have gone astray". Spiritually speaking, each and every one of us are just as sinful as the next person, regardless of the type of sin committed.
Listen to what God says in Romans 2:1-8: "You may be saying, 'What terrible people have you been talking about!' But you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you do these very same things. (sin)* And we know that God, in his justice, will punish anyone who does such things. Do you think that God will judge and condemn others for doing them and not judge you when you do them too? Don't you realize how kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? OR don't you care? Can't you see how kind he has been in giving you time to turn from your sin? But no, you won't listen. So you are storing up terrible punishment for yourself because of your stubbornness in refusing to turn from your sin. For there is going to come a day of judgement when God, the just judge of all the world, will judge all people according to what they have done. He will give eternal life to those who persist in doing what is good, seeking after the glory and honor and immortality that God offers. But he will pour out his anger and wrath on those who live for themselves, who refuse to obey the truth and practice evil deeds."
*you may not do the exact same sins, but you also sin!
So you see, we are all born sinners and not one of us can say we do not need a Savior. If you break one of God's laws you have broken them all! When you have not received the forgiveness of your own sins and deeply felt God's grace swallow up your shame, then you will not be able to give that same grace away to those who have harmed you, whether intentional or unintentional. You must let the Holy Spirit come and search you. See yourself the way He does. You are not more deserving of forgiveness than those who have done you wrong. There is nothing one can do to DESERVE forgiveness of their sins. That would not be grace, for grace is defined as "unmerited favor". That unmerited favor comes through trusting Jesus Christ as the sacrifice for your sins to be forgiven.
But why would you trust a God who never answered your cry for help? There are many ways in which God answers prayer which we do not see. If you are still alive that is possibly proof that God did in fact intervene! There are many reasons for unanswered prayer mentioned in the Bible. Some of these are because of unbelief, unconfessed sin, unforgiveness, neglecting mercy towards others, and despising God's Word. None of these mention a God who did not care. Just because we sometimes suffer intensely, does not mean that God does not love us or care. It is this kind of thinking that attempts to justify the anger towards God. For if God does not care, he must be a bad God. And if we accuse God then we will feel bad about ourselves even while we try to justify our anger.
God never promised to take us out of every trial. He never promised that we would not suffer pain, but he only promised that we did not need to suffer torment. Torment comes from not knowing how much God loves us. Torment also comes when we refuse to forgive others. When you know and understand God's love in the midst of bad things that happen, you will not suffer torment while it is going on, nor afterwards. God's love for us is demonstrated by a God who came to earth to become a man so that HE could SUFFER and DIE. He knows what enormous suffering truly is. He knows rejection and pain. He is touched by our sufferings and feels it WITH us!
Many have called out to God during a crisis only to find out that they do not truly have a relationship with Him. God answers the cries of HIS people. Those who are His know His voice and obey Him. He is not obligated to help those who do not believe in His Son and have a covenent relationship with Him. Some have called out "God, help me!" and yet just who or what was their God? If their "god" was not the God of the Bible, then just who was it they were calling to? Your God is whatever/whoever you worship or adore most in life. Many have idols of the heart and those idols did not answer their cries for help or deliverance.
Some were given over to the enemy through choices that others made, such as parents or those in authority over them. In such a case, it is certainly not a lack of God's love which brought calamity upon them, but a lack of love in the people who were supposed to be doing their best to bless, protect and encourage them.
God places parents in authority over their children and they are able to make the choice to bless or curse their children. They will be held accountable for the spiritual growth or failure of their children's lives.
If you have never given your life to Christ you cannot expect God to rescue you in specific times of emergencies. God clearly takes care of His own, not the children of rebellion. This is not because He does not desire to help those who rebell against Him, but because he cannot , for if he did not give you choice then He would be a master manipulator rather than the God He claims to be. If you have not given your life to the Lord you are in rebellion at this time because you are walking in your own will rather than the will of the Father who sent Jesus to die for you. However, God wants to rescue you NOW ...from your pain, your hurt, and your brokenness. Come and let Him wash away your tears!
I have heard rape victims say to me, "I will never forgive my rapist, and I hope God never does either!" The problem I see here is the misconception that forgiveness would mean rape was now considered to be A-ok! Forgiveness does not mean that you can take a person back into your trust before they repent. God wants that person to be transformed by His Power just as He wants to transform you from your brokenness to wholeness. Unforgiveness will keep you in bondage to that person forever. It gives them power over you. Don't let your heart become bitter and old before it's time. Forgiveness frees you to be healed inside. You do not have to carry about the scars of victimization for the rest of your life. You can, but you don't have to! God wants to restore you and bless you double for your trouble. The question remains, will you ALLOW Him to do so? Everything the enemy has taken from you, God will give you back in some way. A song my teenage daughter listens to says, "I lost it all to find everything". I like that! It is a plan that bitterness cannot give you. Holding onto hate will not bring you peace nor will it give you joy. It will unleash to you the power of destruction to touch everything in your life. It will not even hurt the one you hate like it will hurt you when you hold onto unforgiveness!
When you have truly seen yourself as a sinner in need of deep grace, you will know that you must pass that grace onto others. It is not an option. God says that if we deny others mecy then we ourselves will be denied mercy. Mercy means another chance to repent. It is holding back the rightful judgement that one should be dealt. Mercy means that we pray for their soul to be set free from the bondage put there by satan, we forgive their sins against them and not not harbor anger against them any longer. Does this mean we should not prosecute an unrepentant rapist? No, I don't think so. To hold someone legally accountable for what they have done is using Godly wisdom. It would be unwise to keep an unrepentant rapist at large where he could continue his sin at liberty. Your prayers will bring him to his knees before God so that he can be delivered from the desires to hurt people. You will have no Holy Ghost power to pray for this change without forgiving his sin against you. But if you choose to pray for him you will do serious damage to the TRUE ENEMY (satan) who was the one who is actually responsible for this happening to you. HOW'S THAT FOR VENGEANCE? Use your anger in a Godly fashion. Love what God loves, hate what He hates. God hates injustice in our world. Use the power of love to destroy all the works of the enemy. You will never destroy hate with more hate. You will become what you hate but never gain victory over it. Christ offers you victory over the things that have been sent to destroy you. You can choose life by choosing to live free from torment.
1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
Psalm 78:22
...for they did not believe in God or trust in his deliverance.
Deuteronomy 30:19
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live
Numbers 23:19
God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?
2 Peter 3:9
The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
Isaiah 61:7
Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs.
James 2:10
For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.
James 1:2-3
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
Psalm 103: 13-15
As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.
2 Corinthians 1:7
And our hope of you is stedfast, knowing, that as ye are partakers of the sufferings, so shall ye be also of the consolation.
Romans 12:19
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
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