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Borderlines Struggling with Wholeness in Christ
However it evolves between people, we know that the borderline personality is a difficult one to heal and it takes the breaking down of thought patterns that have been well established since childhood rejection/abandonment began. God is well able to heal this over a period of time in His Word and His Presence, and for that I rejoice heartily.
How does a borderline personality relate to God?
First of all, it is my opinion that the old saying is true: If you have your vertical correct (you and God) your horizontal (you and other people) will be also in line. That shows me, that we cannot have a proper relationship with man until we have a proper relationship with God. God will always give us the discernment and the ability to work with people, even difficult people, when our hearts are at peace if that person is meant to be a part of our lives in His plan for us. Being at peace means that we are not in a constant turmoil with our Creator/Redeemer.
I believe that faith is a large issue, and that issues of the past tend to cause a struggle between faith and doubt. This where I believe a borderline personality tends to struggle the most. Well if God did not help me before, why would He do so now? And if my own father or mother abandoned me, would not God Himself do the same? Wasn't I abandoned when the trauma or abuse in my childhood happened? Couldn't God have stopped it? Why did God give me the parents that abused me? Feelings of unworthiness develop out of this abandonment mentality which only God can break down with the perfect loving acceptance that He has for each of us.
Once a borderline realizes that God truly accepts him/her they may then swing to the position of great pride instead of humility. In this pride they may feel that God has chosen to love them, in spite of all their failures and that people are just "idiots" who cannot look past all their faults. Being a believer does not mean that we can continue in willful sin and that others who do not like it, are "Idiots". On the contrary, scripture makes it plain that we are not to continue in sinful lifestyles, attitudes, or even selfishness because that is unacceptable to a Holy God. He will still love us, but we will not be in right relationship with Him if we are hurting others, hurting ourselves, or doing what is wrong.
I believe that a borderline personality's struggle with God is also in the area of expectation. They might try to believe that God will do something, and then He doesn't do it. Or He does not do it the same way He did it before. Disappointments come from unrealistic expectations whether it be of humans or God, not meaning that there is anything our God cannot do. But if we make a decision that God is going to do it one way, and He does not do it that way or in a particular timing, we can be greatly disappointed. We might hear another person say that "this is the way I got healed" and then try to believe God to heal them the same way He did another person. The bigger problem is that they forgot to ask God how HE wanted to do it for them personally. Trying another person's formula without a personal revelation is not the way to go with our God because He works in us as individuals and is relationship based. His ways are past finding out, which means we cannot even think up some of the ways in which He will work out a miracle for us. Sometimes we just have to trust and then watch Him at work.
Trust is a huge issue with those who have gone through the disappointment cycle again and again with God. They start to form doubt bonds that God is even listening, that He cares about their agony and struggle. And yet He does. But these "doubt bonds" (my own term) are like bands of steel in their heart where they feel perpetually chained to unbelief. Since God is only moved by faith, nothing seems to change for them and they feel stuck in the place of their misery, chained their by doubt, not of God's ability but God's willingness to help them.
A borderline personality may tend to fluxuate in their relationship with God based on things that happen in life. When it's going good, maybe God loves them. When it's not going well, God doesn't care. There is a rollercoaster ride in their heart with a lot of ups and downs that feed off of the happenings of daily life instead of the Word of God and the power of His Presence.
If such a person can realize that it is not "all about me", but that their relationship with God even involves His feelings and His desires, they will have come a long way towards being healed. But with all eyes focused on themselves and their deep-seated needs for love, acceptance and faithfulness, God is the God who will never fail them. But when others fail them who represent God to them, that is when the problems begin again. Often this is the breaking point where they begin to feel as if God has let them down and rebellious anger or disapair begins to take over their thought patterns and seep from there into their actions and reactions.
Usually the issues a borderline has with God are very deep and have been there a very long time. Deliverance should involve prayer, counseling and bible study aimed at breaking down the false beliefs that have been established in them since they were young. Once these erronious thought patterns have been broken by the input of God's Spirit, they can then begin to establish healthy relationships with other people for probably the first time in their once-shattered-but-being-restored lives.
Copyright 2009 Nan Smith
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