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HODGE FUN
A special thanks to Landmark Missionary Baptist Church in Vancouver, WA for this posting.
RECALL NOTICE!! RECALL NOTICE!! RECALL NOTICE!! RECALL NOTICE!!
The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named "Adam" and "Eve", resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed, quote: "Sub-sequential Internal Non-morality": -or more commonly known and primarily expressed, SIN.
Some of the symptoms:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion
The Manufacturer, Who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.
The toll free number to call for repair in all areas is:
P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through REPENTANCE procedure.
Next, download ATONEMENT from the repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self-control
Please see the operating manual, HOLY BIBLE, for further details on the use of these fixes. As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made available to all required units a facility enabling direct monitoring and assistance from a resident maintenance Technician, the Holy Spirit. Repaired units need only make Him welcome, and He will take up permanent residence on the premises!
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids the Manufacturer's warranty, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on JESUS.
DANGER: All human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven, so as to prevent contamination of that facility.
Thank you for your attention. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice
Images by ChristArt.com
Songs of the Lukewarm Church
1) Blest Be The Tie That Doesn't Cramp My Style
2) Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me
3) I Surrender Some
4) I'm Fairly Certain That My Redeemer Lives
5) Sit Up, Sit Up For Jesus
6) Take My Life and Let Me Be
7) What An Acquaintance We Have In Jesus
8) Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following
9) He's Quite a Bit To Me
10) Oh, How I Like Jesus
11) Fill My Spoon, Lord
12) It Is My Secret What God Can Do
Disclaimer: Although this section is intended to make a point using humor, it in no way is intended to make light of the seriousness of false conversions. God often uses this type of humor in the Bible to make an important point. (Job 38:18-24 and 1 Cor.4:8-13)
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