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Didja Hear? Updated 09/29/09
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals
> for forty (40) are ' XL.'
>
> The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so
> he can tell when he's really
> in trouble
>
>
> Did you ever notice:
> When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS'
> together it
> spells
> 'Theirs.'
>
> Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop
> lying
> about your age
> and start bragging about it.
>
>
> The older we get, the
> fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
>
>
> When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to
> youth,
> think of
> Algebra.
>
> Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks,
> it
> was called
> witchcraft.
>
> Today, it's called
> golf
>
>Lord,
> Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over
> my mouth..AMEN..!!
>
One night, the meeting place of a small, ineffective church caught on fire and burned to the ground. Several from the community, as well as the church, had gathered to combat the blaze, but to no avail! It was a total loss. Looking around the gathered faces, one church member saw a local man who had always been opposed to the work of the church and who refused to attend church. The church member said to him, "Well, I never saw you come near this church before." "No," said the man, "but then, I have never seen this church on fire before either."
Didja hear the ones my sister sent me?(I appologize in advance. Q.What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A. Ruthless.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ??
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in
liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? ?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew
out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's
Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda,
because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q.. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer
lived in Eden ?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the
Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan . The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. ( Groan...)
PS. Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible. It says .. . . "He-brews"
Didja hear? One careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Didja hear? Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, teach man to fish and he'll smell funny for the rest of his life.
Didja hear? Some people are like Slinkies . . Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Didja Hear What Steven Wright Said: 1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2- Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3- Half the people you know are below average
4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
7- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
8- All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
9- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
10- I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
11- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
12- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
13- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
14- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
15- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
17- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
18- I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
19- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
20- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
21- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
22- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
23- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
24- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
25- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
26- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
27- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
28- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
29- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
30- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
31- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
32- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
33- If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights
Didja Hear You've Had Too Much Coffee When . . .
* You can type sixty words a minute with your feet.
* Instant coffee takes too long.
* You chew on other people's fingernails.
* You answer the door, before people knock.
* You sleep with your eyes open.
* You go to sleep, just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
* You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
* You're the employee of the month at Starbucks - and you don't even work there.
* You help your dog chase its tail.
* You lick your coffeepot clean.
* You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
* You're so wired you pick up FM radio.
* You have a picture of your coffee mug, on your coffee mug.
Didja hear about the top eleven signs you are in a Lukewarm church:
11. You spend Sunday morning looking for where you left your Bible last Sunday.
10. You refer to the Preacher as Bro. Valium.
9. Without looking or thinking about it you can tell how many lights, windows and pews are in the auditorium.
8. Your Preacher keeps saying the same things over and over again.
7. You think sacrificial giving means coming back on Sunday night.
6. Your Preacher keeps saying the same things over and over again.
5. Being instant in season and out of season doesn't apply during hunting season.
4. Your church bulletin has a crossword puzzle.
3. You think volunteering is for fanatics.
2. You use the baptistery as a Sunday School room.
1. You make Jesus sick Rev. 1:16.
Didja hear some people think Spirit and Truth are horses in the third race.
Didja hear about the guy who died in church and it took the paramedics six tries to find the right guy.
Didja hear about the Catholic-Baptists they show up on Sunday morning, then they're right with GOD the rest of the week.
Didja hear about the guy who wouldn't go to church and sit with a few hypocrites, and when he died he spent eternity in Hell with all of them.
Didja hear that GOD has preserved his children, but instead of being sweet like preserves too many are sour like they've been pickled.
Didja hear that no one will cry for justice at the judgement, only for mercy.
Didja hear the if followers of Christ are called Christians, followers of Mary must be Martians.
If you have a good Didja Hear let us know.
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