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'A True Friend' and other poems
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Shattered ego, broken heart,
Wake from nightmares with a start,
Can't give in and give up hope,
Somehow learning how to cope.
Accusations, yelling, din,
Isolation closing in,
Raise the walls and lock the door,
Shutting out the noise of war.
Who will hear the silent screams,
Who will mend fragmented dreams,
Who will care enough to listen,
Wipe away the tears that glisten?
Busy friends, time races by,
No one hears the desperate cry,
Perhaps tomorrow they will call,
Maybe next week, or not at all.
But there is one friend who is there,
To Him your soul you can lay bare.
When you mourn, with you He'll grieve,
And He will never, ever leave.
Try again and start anew,
Jesus' arms are holding you.
His love will heal your wounded soul
And He will help you reach your goal!
Ursula Stouffer, March 17, 2003
Survival
Endless struggles, endless strife,
Just the fittest will survive,
They'll be pouncing on the meek,
Tear apart the sick and weak.
They are circling round their prey,
Leaving open just one way,
To the cliff! she hears them cry,
And she knows that she must die.
But let's not hasten her departure,
Why not enjoy a little torture?!
Cutting remarks leave wounds so deep,
That eventually she takes the leap.
A little way down you see her swinging,
As to an outcrop of rock she is clinging.
Why is she still fighting while hurting so,
Wouldn't it be easier to just let go?
But Jesus is holding onto her hands,
Helps her up until once more she stands,
Even though she would rather not stay,
For her enemies never are far away.
Oh, Lord, won't you please let me come home?
Child, hang in there, your time hasn't come,
I still have more work for you to do,
Remember, I will be wherever you go!
Obeying, though blinded by tears, she keeps going,
Knowing that Jesus is with her in all she is doing.
Still, she looks forward to that beautiful day
When all pain will be gone, and with Jesus she'll stay.
Ursula Stouffer, May 13, 2003
Heartache
I'm afflicted with this pain in my heart,
which just won't go away
and it doesn't matter what I do,
it seems determined to stay.
Jesus, I've tried to give it to you,
but still it's lingering on,
even during fun times I feel it,
oh, how I wish it would be gone!
Hurts from my past are effecting me still,
refusing to leave me alone,
and past and present combined cause this pain,
despite all the praying I've done.
Lord, you know that I have nagging doubts
about being loved by my friends,
I fear saying something dreadfully wrong,
causing relationships to end.
I often feel that I'm not worthy
of others love and concern,
I'm always afraid I've made mistakes,
that their love I didn't earn.
Please help me with this struggle, Lord,
please take away my fear,
help me to know that I am loved
as long as you are near.
For you love me just the way I am,
no matter what I say or do,
and whether I manage to be perfect
is not important to you.
Please, Jesus, help me overcome,
help me keep those fears at bay,
please stay beside my today and forever
and please take the pain away!
Ursula Stouffer, Oct. 19th, 2002
The Light
Cold winds chasing clouds, covering up the sun,
Dark shadows enveloping the tortured soul.
Where is sunshine, where is love?
Who can find it in this darkness, who will know?
Distant memories stirring, ever so faint,
Of loving blue eyes, like flowers in bloom.
Figments of the imagination, for how could it be true,
Shivering in the cold, surrounded by gloom.
Looking, searching in desperation,
For fragmented dreams still groping,
The deathly stillness only interrupted by sobs,
But somewhere, somehow still hoping.
The howling storms bringing ice and snow,
Throwing sharp, cold arrows to pierce the heart.
Giving in and giving up hope,
It seemed inevitable right from the start.
But wait! Do I see a shaft of light?
A nail-scarred hand through the clouds reaching down,
Taking His hand and feeling His love,
A hopeful smile erasing the frown.
The shadows and gloom are melting away,
Many feet are running the Saviour to meet.
At His approaching steps the demons of darkness must flee,
While we join the angels of light, worshipping at His feet.
Ursula Stouffer, March 10, 2003
A Journey
Pain, pain! Ever present,
shattering my skull, searing my brain.
Pain, tearing apart my muscles and joints,
crushing my ankle, piercing my heart, numbing my mind.
Fear, fear of the dark, afraid of going to sleep.
Haunting nightmares, waking up screaming,
trembling, covered in sweat, terrified.
Fear of betrayal and desertion, and of making mistakes.
Tears, tears of anger, tears of pain,
from hurtful words, tears of frustration.
Tears of empathy or of relief,
and tears of joy when I hear God speak to me.
Learning, learning to trust, to forgive,
accepting limitations, using special gifts.
Learning patience, controlling anger and fears,
taking the risk of failure, learning to love and to live.
Love, love is a friend's forgiveness, a gentle hug,
a card in the mail, an unexpected call, a small gift.
Love, a baby's slobbery kiss, a child's picture,
feeling my Lord's arms around me, loving me always.
Joy, joy when the sun breaks through the clouds,
freshly fallen snow, a beautiful song.
Joy in laughter, in giving of myself in His service,
doing the Lord's work, passing on His blessings.
Peace, peace which comes only from Jesus,
peace which passes understanding.
Trustingly holding His hand, walking with Him,
knowing where I'm going, knowing where I'm going.
Ursula Stouffer, Nov. 2nd, 2002
Christmas, a Time for Joy?
With snow sparkling in the sunshine,
Christmas time is here again,
I should be singing and laughing with joy,
but the only thing I feel is pain.
Pressures of all kinds are mounting,
I miss my father and brothers,
I want to go home for Christmas,
I wouldn't even mind seeing my mother!
There is so much shopping to do,
and cleaning, cooking and baking,
writing cards and sending parcels,
not to mention presents I'm making.
There's not much time to think of Jesus
and His miraculous birth in a stable,
I would like to just sit and ponder,
doing nothing else now, if I was able.
But there are concerts to attend
and costumes for a play to sew.
Everybody seems so very happy,
why is it that again I'm feeling so low?
Why is my heart aching so badly,
why am I feeling so sad?
I'm listening to my favourite music,
but even that can't make me glad.
I'm so very homesick again this year,
Christmas here isn't the same.
I want to make music with my brothers
and play our favourite games.
I want to sing German carols once more
and see real candles on the tree.
Please, Jesus, grant me one Christmas back home
before in Heaven your face I see.
You must have been so lonely on earth,
homesick for your heavenly home,
wanting to be with your Father and the angels,
remembering the splendour that you had come from.
Ursula Stouffer, Dec. 4th, 2002
Unconditional Love
Please help me, Lord, I beg you,
sort out my feelings and my thoughts,
and tell me what to make of their
'you shouldn'ts' and 'you oughts'.
I'm being told it's surely wrong
to express it when I'm sad,
and it's definitely unspiritual
to let on when I'm mad!
For every frown I am admonished,
all that is allowed is smiles,
but even you got angry
and you wept once in a while.
I'm often told that I have sinned
and that I should repent,
that you, Jesus, won't be pleased with me
unless my ways I mend.
They say that I'm a sinner
and I readily agree,
but they think they are perfect,
which I fail to see.
I am so glad you love me
just the way I am,
and that your strength will flow to me
if I simply touch your hem.
You give me your approval
no matter what others say,
unconditional love is what you give,
for you're the truth, the light and the way.
I wished that I could simply leave,
but I'm convinced you want me here,
so, I pray, give me the strength
to endure for yet another year.
Ursula Stouffer, Dec. 26th, 2002
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