Anonymous Testimony from a friend

Wow Jenn, what a beautiful testimony! Thank you for your transparency. Isn't it great to have such a confident assurance of our forgiveness, salvation and new righteousness in Christ Jesus!!! It is the greatest deal in the world! I am so happy that you have found your peace and are settled. I have begun to say to God in the last 3 yrs. which have been particulary difficult, "God even if nothing changes or gets better, I will serve you and love you and aspire to live a life of obedience and servitude to you." Then I wonder why my life continues to be difficult... He tests us so He can bless us. How amazing is that. I am a PK (pastors kid) since birth, my dad died when I was ten, I move across the province, my mom remarried, he was a Pastor as well (his wife left him and their 3 sons). I was molested on an off by a friend of the family (don't remember much) and my parents were gone a lot when I was young doing ministry work. I had little or no self esteem and was always desperate for love and attention. I don't think I have to tell you the effect that has on a 15 yr. old girl. I partied like crazy for 2yrs...drugs (thankfully no coke or heroine), had unprotected sex, drank my face off and put myself in horribly dangerous predicaments. I was raped twice and amazingly did not contract any STD's or ever get pregnant. I gave my life back to God when I turned 17, was engaged (no wisdom there) 6 months later and married at the beginning of grade 12. My husband ended up being the youth pastor at my parents church and I was on the worship team and eventually led our Wednesday night services. Our relationship was dysfunctional from the start, we were two messed up people that loved God, but didn't honest know what it meant to be a healthy person (emotionally speaking). He had struggle with some lust issues from his past that brought strife, distrust, disrespect and anger in to our relationship. I had been so hurt from it all that by the time he got victory, I had already distanced and hardened myself to him completely. I was a depressed, suicidal worship leader that loved God, could counsel any one else about there problems, knew God did miracles, but still struggled with my own worth and value. I always felt like I was different from everyone else, like something was wrong with me. Not to mention I almost died as a 9 month old, broke lots of bones in stupid accidents, had chronic bronchitis, appendicitis, tonsilitis as a child/teenager, I had pneumonia really bad at 12, hospitalized for 2 weeks, got Mono several months later and as soon as I got married (at 18) was when the thyroid disorders begain. To make a long story short, I left my husband (we had a 5yr. old and 3 yr. old at the time), had an affair with someone close to us at the same time, stopped going to church and of course wanted to die the whole time. I absolutely hated myself. I started hanging around with old high school friends and on the weekends when my ex had the kids I would party like crazy and eventually met really dangerous people and tried coke and ecstasy for a few months. I was grieved about it all, the whole time, I just didn't see myself as capable of anything better.

BUT, My God Is So Faithful!!! I started to pray again and snuck to church and went on an "encounter" weekend. God changed my life. I initiated reconciliation with my ex husband after God had told me to end my current relationship with my now husband. Confusing I know. My ex did not want to reconcile after 2 months of us repenting to each other and finding healing in our relationship and I was released of my committment. Unbelievable.

 

I have now been married for 4 yrs. Have 2 more children and I am so blessed. We have no money (in the natural), but God has consistently provided for us during my husbands lay off. I am worship leading at the church we attend and like you I want to help people, that is it. I love counseling and listening and encouraging people and with all that my life has been, I have grown, learned, matured and thankfully my character is more Christlike... thank you Jesus.

 

Physically speaking, I have had head trauma, jaw fracture, foot surgery, left rotator cuff surgery, arthritic pain, chronic head, neck and back pain (severe), a spinal puncture, continued thyroid issues etc.... and now all this crazy gallbladder pancreatic stuff. I do agree with you that if we can keep a godly attitude ( a sincere one) and faith and gratitude and kindness and a good confession when life is so difficult it does speak volumes to people.

 

God is so good. It feels great to know that I am not alone in all of this. God has a master plan, yes He does