I can please only one person per day - today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking too good either.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain the way whales look?
Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know?
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
Today my Reality Check bounced.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
There are two rules for ultimate success in life.
1. Never tell everything you know.
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Someday we'll think back on all this and probably plow into a parked car.
How did people look busy at work before computers?
I hear voices in my head - but they don't speak my language.
Every dog has his day - you missed yours
8/8/05
A man went out to the airport to meet his son and family. All the way there he kept thinking he had forgotten something. When he got to the airport he was greeted by his grandchildren.
Hello Grandpa. Where is Grandma?
8/8/05
Driver's Oath
I, (state your name) will obey the rules of the road.
I will not drive like I'm delivering a donated organ.
I will not purposely scare cows.
I will not make light of gravity.
I will recognize speed limits as strict law & not just ballpark suggestions.
I will not run up on the rear end of the car in front of me simply because I do not want to have to reset my cruise control.
Previous to 8/8/05
The following are actual bumper stickers:
1. Kind words are always the right kind
2. Giving makes living better.
3. Stack every bit of criticism between two layers of praise.
4. When things go wrong, don't go wrong with them.
5. The 1st step to wisdom is silence, and the 2nd step is listening.
6. Your words are the windows to your heart.
7. A man is rich according to what he is, not what he has.
8. The bridge you burn now may be the one you later have to cross.
9. If you run with dogs, don't be surprised when you get up with fleas.
10. Kind words are always the right kind.
11. Use your past as a springboard--- NOT a sofa!
12. A weakness in our attitude becomes a weakness in our character.
13. Life is like tennis, the one who serves the most seldom loses!
14. Things workout best for those who make the best of the way things work out.
15. Life is change.. growth is optional.. choose wisely!
16. A sharp tongue is seldom an indication of a sharp mind.
17. A man can stand a lot as long as he can stand himself!
18. Dreams need some do-ers!
19. True character is unveiled in misfortune.
20. Be the change you want to see in people.
21. To ease the heartache of another will ease the weight of one's self--
22. Don't let yesterday use up today
23. Are you living or existing?
24. It takes courage to stand up and speak--- also to sit down and listen---
25. Everyone wants to harvest--- but few want to plow! Lancaster, SC
26. Never borrow sorrow from tomorrow!
27. No matter how much you nurse a grudge, it won't get better.
28. Worry is a waste of the imagination.
29. Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional.
30. Adversity introduces man to himself.
31. If you see someone without a smile, give them yours.
32. Destroy a enemy-- make him your friend.
33. A temperamental person is easy glum, easy glow.
34. Friends multiply joy and divide sorry.
35. Thoughtfulness is to friendship as sunshine is to a garden.
36. The tongue weighs little but few can hold it.
37. Things that never happen seem to worry us most.
38. If you don't think everyday is a good day try missing one.
39. Speak well of your enemies, you made them.
40. The more you stir the sparks, the longer the fire burns.
41. A shut mouth gathers no foot.
42. The smallest deed is greater than the grandest intention.
43. Our walk speaks louder than our talk
44. A smile is a light in the window of your soul.
45. If you growl all day, you'll be dog tired all night.
46. A bad attitude spoils the gift.
47. Making a living is not the same as making a life.
48. When you have pains, you don't have to be one.
49. Don't focus on the handicap, appreciate the gift.
50. The Truth Fears No Investigation
51. The best things in life aren't things!
52. Helping others is the best way to help yourself.
53. Maturity is learning that some life experiences should be avoided.
54. You can learn something from every person you meet.
55. Kindness is never out of style
56. Nothing I do to punish another for hurting me, brings me healing.
57. NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT
58. A HUG: THE IDEAL GIFT! ONE SIZE FITS ALL!
59. You lose respect when you stop giving it.
60. Everyone deserves your forgiveness
61. When we stop loving, we stop living.
62. Children are like mirrors-- they reflect our attitudes.
63. Know all about yourself, but don't tell all you know.
64. Good things come to the one who waits on himself.
65. Sunny spirits make even the darkest skies shine.
66. More doors are opened with please than with keys.
67. Without the hard times, the good times would not be good.
68. When you are through improving-- you are through.
69. If you scatter thorns-- don't go barefoot.
70. Don't lessen the lesson.
71. Make haste slowly.
72. You can't slide uphill.
73. To belittle is to be little.
74. A strong fish goes against the flow.
75. If you did have everything-- would you share it?
76. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
77. Character is doing what's right when no one is looking.
78. Don't count the days-- make the days count.
79. Being a believer takes more than just believing.
80. Saying "I’m sorry" is only the beginning of seeking forgiveness.
81. Patience-- The ability to count down before blasting off--
82. Failure is only failure when you say "I quit."
83. Tomorrow is uncertain but forever is for sure!
84. You don't have to attend every argument you're invited to!
85. Make sure your foot prints don't leave the mark of a heel.
86. Worry about nothing, pray about everything.
87. Always Smile :)
88. It is nice to be important, but also important to be nice.
89. Carve your stumbling blocks into stepping stones.
90. When you clench your fist, no one can put anything in your hand.
91. It is better to wear out than to rust out.
92. Always put off until tomorrow what you shouldn't do at all
93. Your self worth is more important than your net worth.
94. You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.
95. "Well done" is better than "Well said."
96. Whenever things go wrong, don't go with them.
97. Getting out of a bad rut requires getting into a good one.
98. You can learn something from every person you meet
99. ADVICE: Those who need it don't heed it and those who heed it don't need it.
100. You lose respect when you stop giving it.
101. Worry: Interest paid on trouble before it’s due
102. Worry pays but it keeps you in debt!
103. If you fail to prepare be prepared to fail.
104. If the grass is greener on the other side, fertilize yours.
105. Life is a journey-- you are the navigator.
106. Mistakes are lessons too.
107. Fill a place-- not just a space.
108. Problems shared are problems halved.
109. The future begins today.
110. Shine-- don't whine.
111. If it is to be-- its up to me--
112. CHILDREN AND CANOES - BEST BEHAVED WHEN PADDLED FROM THE REAR
The following are actual Church signs:
1. CHURCH PARKING - FOR MEMBERS ONLY! Trespassers will be baptized!
2. "No God - No Peace. Know God - Know Peace."
3. "Free Trip to Heaven. Details Inside!"
4. "Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."
5. An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are
inscribed and a headline that reads, -"For Fast Relief, Take Two Tablets."
6. "People are like tea bags - you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."
7. "Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush."
8. "Fight truth decay - study the Bible daily."
9. "How will you spend eternity - Smoking or Non-Smoking."
10. "Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives."
11. "Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement
benefits are out of this world."
12. "It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
13. "If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."
14. "If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."
15. "Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire Insurance soon."
16. "A ch__ch is a church when (U R) in it.
17. "In the dark? Follow the Son."
18. "Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up."
New 11/9/02
It is unlikely there'll ever be a reduction in the wages of sin.
Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.
Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here.
Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons - come hear one.
People are like tea bags - you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.
Where will you be sitting in eternity - smoking or non-smoking?
I will add more lite hearted sayings as I receive or find them. If you have something that you feel might be able to be used in this space, please feel free to send them to me.
You can also catch these and others on Reflections, our sacred music program. Join us each Sunday at 8:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m. on M-PACT 15 for Palmer & Monson. MA.
