. . . . .GOD REACHED OUT
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Page 2 "Zarko's testimony"
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In that clinic they put me on strong infusions and my pain stopped. Thanks to Jesus!
I stayed for two days in the hospital room alone with my father and I talked to him about God. He was reading the Bible all the time. He was not a Christian then. Before I became ill, I never prayed for my father because I couldn't believe that a man like my father could become a Christian. My brother said that he prayed for my father and God started the process of saving him right in that hospital room.
Then I received chemotherapy, the first day my heart was beating like crazy, I was in a bad condition and in much pain. That evening many brothers and sisters in Christ came and they prayed much for me. There was one sister who preached the gospel to my family and she visited me every day. When they prayed for me the other patients were amazed and they heard about God. I was laying in bed and my faith was still weak. I was just waiting to hear what the doctors were going to tell me. But I realized that I can't put my trust in people, because they are like myself, with doubts. They are just people .
Every hour I was given some sort of medication. When brothers and sisters came to pray for me, I realized that their love was solace to me. Some sick people in the room received Jesus and did repent from their sins, but others did not. One of them was dying, he was just flesh over bones.
I woke up every morning at 5 o'clock, and every day at that time, there was a woman cleaning the rooms and I wished to be the one who did the cleaning. I was admiring that woman every morning when I saw her in my room. I could see the great difference between her mind and mine. Our lives were two different worlds. I watched people in their homes from my hospital window; I wanted to be home like them, nothing more. But that was far away from me.
Every morning I saw that sick man, who was just bones, brushing his teeth. I wondered about that man because he was dying and still brushing his teeth. What does it matter when you're dying, I thought. I didn't even have hope for myself to brush my teeth. To be in the hospital was terrible, it was hell on earth for me. One morning someone died in another room, someone who was missing some parts of his body; I saw how people were suffering from horrible pain.
One day when my brothers and sisters were praying for me, my father said to them: "If God will spare the life of my son, I will follow Him all my life." And this is exactly what happened.
When I left the hospital my brother said: "This is the day for going home", but I didn't feel free because I knew that this would continue, because I had just one chemotherapy treatment and the treatments were once per month. When I became a little stronger, I got the second chemotherapy treatment. After the treatment I was feeling very bad , I vomited all food , I had nightmares and fears. I felt the tumor moving in my body and I was spitting blood. We were very scared about that blood, and the doctors ordered me back to the hospital . I was in the same room. I received infusions and my blood count went down and they gave me 1,5 kg blood transfusion. I realized that health is the biggest problem in man's life, because if you don't have good health, your soul and spirit will go down.
In those days one of my brothers was preaching the gospel to the sick people, while I was just lying in my bed and watching people repent and surrender to Jesus. Some of them were dying.
I had lost my hair from chemotherapy treatment. One friend and my brother had long hair and they cut their hair just to solace me ... ahah... When I was home those days, I felt the biggest fears in my life, which was from chemotherapy. It tortured my mind every morning when I woke up. I was paranoid, and I fought fear all the time. That was the most terrible thing in the world; I thought that I would go crazy. It is hard to explain where the fear came from. That terrible feeling was horror, and I had nightmares. With the fears I would repeat Job 7:4. In those difficult moments with my fear, I found comfort in the thoughts that when I would die I would be free in heaven with the Lord Jesus. During the fears I would listen to the music band "Saviour Machine -legend 2", and I was singing "and we shall always be with the Lord forever", that was big solace to me.
When the time for the second chemotherapy treatment came, my fears stopped for a while. This was when my father went to church for the first time. When he became a Christian no one knew what happened with the old nature, he became new in Christ Jesus. My father's name is Stefan and he would say to other people that the old Stefan is dead.
Health is the biggest problem, many other problems are of our own making, and some problems are just in our heads. Sick people have the biggest problems and they need Jesus. When you are sick, you can't do anything. Jesus prayed mostly for the sick people. Health is a gift from God , and I wasn't keeping my health before I became sick. For example, when I was 13-14 years old I started smoking cigarettes and I was feeling ashamed if the teachers would see me. How much do we need to feel ashamed before God, who gives us health, when we are destroying it?
I received the second chemotherapy treatment. It was very hard on me, but I received it somehow. We checked the results for the tumor cages (counts) in my blood and they were destroyed from 15 300 counts to 13. Hallelujah! The first week I didn't have many problems, but the second week the fears came back again with bad pain in my spine. I laid for three days in pain. I got many drugs for that pain, but nothing helped me, and my blood become weak. I felt pain in my bones every day. I was eating much because I was concerned about me becoming weak. For the first time my blood was good till the next chemotherapy treatment.
I received the third chemotherapy treatment, and again in terrible pain and fears. I had some allergic reaction on my skin. I was in depression. I watched how people lived and walked. I looked at myself and thought if I feel better, I am going to walk everywhere. For the first time my results were good, thanks to God! But my fears didn't leave me. I was wondering how I could live like that, because I was okay only while I was sleeping.
The fourth chemotherapy was the most terrible to me, the doctors gave to me drugs for sleeping because I couldn't handle the agony. I lost my strength and courage. Some patients ran away, they decided to die because they couldn't handle the hell of these treatments. God gave me strength to get through it.
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