. . . . .GOD REACHED OUT
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The Darkest Night of My Life For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face... 1 Corinthians 13:12
I wrote my testimony, because I want to share the dark period of my life. It is about my pain, my fears, my sadness ... the hell in my life. If you are in some dark period of your life, having any problem, I want to tell you that there is LIGHT behind that dark door. Please, don't give up. Just wait for better days to come. Stay strong.
When I was examined, I overheard the doctors debating my physical condition: "It is a tumor . . . or . . . is it cancer?" I was in a SHOCK when I heard this, and at that moment my whole life reversed in my mind's eye. Please, understand that it only takes one terrible thing to change your mental perception of life.
On that day, the life that I lived had died. From then on, I started to live a different life. I have been through many, many tests. My mind has been very DARK, which is difficult for me to explain.
It was winter, I was home and I awaited for the day of my first surgery. These were very dark days, and that time I read the book of Job and I was encouraged by it. But I was losing my strength as the days went by. The pastors of the church came to visit me and they prayed for me, but I wasn't encouraged, because I saw empty faces staring at me. When I looked into their faces, I lost all hope and the knowledge of God.
I couldn't believe what was happening to me. I couldn't believe that I was that man with the terrible sickness; I was in shock all the time and horror filled my mind.
I read from the book of Job ... "What?. . . Shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this Job did not sin with his lips." Job 2:10
"He shall deliver thee in six troubles: yea in seven there shall no evil touch thee."Job 5:19
One of my friends gave me some verses from the Bible, but I failed in the spirit to grasp it. This was a very difficult time for me, but God gave me the strength.
And then it was time for my first surgery. On Sunday night I went to the hospital, the room was for two people. There was no daylight coming into the room. The surgery was the next morning. I woke up in another room and there was one kid in very bad pain. I tried to help him, but I couldn't even move my fingers. That hospital room had lots of pain within. After the surgery, I was moved back to the first room. I was in very critical condition, with the number of tumor counts in my blood of 15 300, while normal count is 0-7. It seemed hopeless as I saw the doctors' empty faces.
I felt better at first, but all of a sudden a very bad pain hit me in my chest. It was the most terrible pain I have experienced in my life. It felt like an "explosion" in my chest, my body was jumping from the pain. They gave me painkilling shots every 30 minutes, but it didn't help me , I was dying. My father was crying, it was real nightmare, my heart was broken. I cannot explain the excruciating pain in my body and soul. And when I saw my father crying, for the first time since my troubles started, I cried too. My soul was crushed, and I told him to pray. My father told me later that he had suicidal thoughts in those moments.
I was in terrible pain and agony for five days. Friends and family came to visit me and they were very sad. It still upsets me when I write this. After five days I was transferred to the clinical hospital where cancer patients go to recover. This was a horror clinic, because you were either to live or to die...
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